bust, cast, effigy, figure, icon, image, ivory, likeness, marble, memorial, piece

There are two very unlikely objects standing in front of San Francisco City Hall--a Christmas tree and a bronze Republican.

You put the "it" in omelet

Hello. Welcome to my blog. What have I been doing in the 287.8 hours since my last post, you ask? ...Sifting through California education standards, among other things. I'm compiling a report for EAOP, the summer job that just keeps on giving, without pay. The compensation might be non-existent, but I have to say that these standards are pretty interesting. For example, I myself would love to:

1. Understand the causes and consequences of the Russian Revolution, including Lenin's use of totalitarian means to seize and maintain control (e.g., the Gulag).
2. Trace Stalin's rise to power in the Soviet Union and the connection between economic policies, political policies, the absence of a free press, and systematic violations of human rights (e.g., the Terror Famine in Ukraine).
3. Analyze the rise, aggression, and human costs of totalitarian regimes (Fascist and Communist) in Germany, Italy, and the Soviet Union, noting especially their common and dissimilar traits.

That's from 10th grade social studies standard 10.7: "Students analyze the rise of totalitarian governments after World War I." Impressive stuff. And all this time I was under the impression that most Californian tenth graders in public school only vaguely assumed that Word War I actually happened "because there was a sequel". Thanks a lot, Chronicle. That's the last time I take your folksy wit to heart.

Anyways, I have been up to a few other things as well.

-I had an all-SoMa Thanksgiving, which very naturally flowed with the spirit of the holiday. The Pilgrims would be very proud that, four hundred years later, we are still hard at work gentrifying New World neighborhoods (We are still working on those pesky non restaurant-operating Chinese in my neck of the woods). In the afternoon, I went to Kerri's (Pitt alum, aka 'busiest girl ever') new place in East SoMa, near SBC park, to have dinner and to watch Pitt end their 2005 football season with a second half meltdown. After the game, I biked over to West SoMa to help Nowell and Sadie assemble and christen their brand new, ridiculously large projection screen. I came all over it and then we watched Event Horizon. How else would you do it?

-I made a return to the Tactile Dome. This time I was with all my coworkers, early in the morning before opening. We crawled through two by two and met up in the "red room", where a tiny lamp provides the eye with suggestions of faces and bodies. I hid silent in the shadows and was overwhelmed by the urge to suddenly pounce on someone and tear through their neck with my teeth. But then the museum was about to open.

-Officially wore my rear bike brakes to the point where the activation lever will touch the handlebar. Am I great or what! So now I need my next free bike, before I kill myself.

-Lightning in San Francisco city.

-Finished my anatomy class. (The new round starts this Saturday). The powers that be let Anica come in and take the final and all of her skipped quizzes. More importantly, we made peace. She gave me a pretty sincere apology, which I appreciated, and it was that easy. Then, she cheated on a quiz but failed the course anyways.

And a bunch of other stuff. Here's a picture from a beach in Marin County:

Reorder your checks the easy way

Man... what were all of those things that I wanted to write about? I can't even remember one of them. At some point I had, like, three or four decent threads going in my mind. But now they are all gone. What do I do?

Wait, I remember one of my ideas: I had an amazing experience on Friday night.

t happened after one of the least amazing parts of my week, known as Friday afternoon Field Trip meeting at the Exploratorium. A little about the Friday afternoon Field Trip meeting before I continue. It's the kind of meeting in which people talk primarily to experience the sound of their voices filling the air. We spend hours debating such amazingly irrelevant things such as how best to phrase the instructions "eat outside." And then there are the lunch bins. God! The lunch bins. Almost every week we end up discussing some meaningless aspect of how we store students' lunches during the course of their stay at the museum. Basically, our system of accomplishing this task is tragically archaic--especially for a science museum--and if anyone really wanted to improve it then they would. But the truth of it is that without our lunch bins we would have no reason for a meeting.

Last Friday, there were plans for a post-meeting softball game. It didn't happen. At some point late in the day, whispers of rain started spreading. Whisper quickly became rumor and despite the freedom that all of us had to easily step outside and check the weather or the fact one of our stations is actually situated outside, softball got postponed in favor of drinking at the bar down the street. We were at the bar for a long time. Afterwards, we came back to the museum for the machinists' Friday social hour in the shop. They jerry-rig a cask of home brewed ale to one of our carbon dioxide tanks and drink out of found mugs--exactly what I expect and demand of social hour in the machine shop. Supposedly anyone on staff at the museum is welcome, but at first they were suspicious of our credentials. They warmed up to us pretty quick, though, and I tossed $5 in their donation cup. After a few mugs of really strong Otameal Stout we stumbled across Lombard Street to New Yorker's Wings, which is as mediocre as hole in the wall grease pits get. We ordered wings, mozzerella sticks, fried mushrooms, fries, and onion rings. They were all mediocre except the mushrooms, which were bad.

I haven't got to the amazing part yet.

After the fried food, the group splintered. My bike was still in the shed, so I needed to return to the museum. I walked back with Christina and Suzanne (who is so staggeringly, over-the-top annoying as to the point of virtue) and we got talking about the Tactile Dome. The Tactile Dome is a smallish geodesic dome within the museum whose stated purpose is to explore the sense of touch—taking the “hands-on” principle to its logical extreme. Inside the dome is a series of oddly shaped chambers lined with a variety of materials. The chambers are completely dark, so visitors must navigate through them—climbing, crawling, sliding, and squeezing—using only the sense of touch for guidance. Anyways, Christina and I had never been inside and Suzanne had the keys.

It was late at night and the museum was empty. Walking through was like floating around in the afterlife. We approached the dome and Suzanne turned it on. The thing powered up like a space ship and we entered. We took our shoes off in the lounge and then that was it--we were in. I can't imagine there are better circumstances to first experience the Tactile Dome than burrowing through it buzzed, late at night. The whole thing already felt like a dream, and without sight, the experience took on an immense shape; each room felt like a new world with mystifying laws of physics. It was a great great Friday night. Improvised and unexpected. And then I had to come home and prepare a pathology class for Saturday morning.

peaking of anatomy class, let's conclude our little saga, shall we? Of course with Anica, there is never a conclusion per se. But an update is prudent. Did I mention she's 28 or so?

Date: Tue, 15 Nov 2005
From: Anica
Subject Re: Lymphatic System
To: Jon Fischer

Hello Jon

I was wondering what was my grade for the first quiz I took? I know I missed two classes,but I am not gonna give up I guess I will have to learn the material on my own and hopefully you don't take anything personal to where you will give me a bad grade. I guess we will be busy saturday why I make u p the two quizzes plus the final. Right. You never responded to my last e-mail so I just didn't go to class. You and I just don't see things eye to eye. Hope that doesn't effect my grade. Last anatomy course you passed me with a c and I missed two classes on a 5 week course. [editor's note: Anica is refering to our previous, eight week class] I will be glade when this particular course is over.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Tue, 15 Nov 2005
From: Jon Fischer
Subject Re: Lymphatic System
To: Anica

Hello Anica

Your last email was directed to George, not me. I spoke with him on Saturday and he said that he discussed the matter with you. So we were both expecting to see you last Saturday.

Unfortunately, at this point we cannot legally pass you, as regulations mandate very specific minimum attendance requirements which you have failed to meet this term.

Your first quiz score was 13/25.

Best wishes,

Jon

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Tue, 15 Nov 2005
From: Anica
Subject Re: Lymphatic System
To: Jon Fischer

You are wrong Jon because last semester of anatomy I had missed two classes on a 5 week course and I passed with a c. I only missed two saturdays I can pass the class with out you I will be there to take my makeup exam by throughing one away and my final.


---------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Tue, 15 Nov 2005
From: Jon Fischer
Subject Re: Lymphatic System
To: Anica

Anica

You should be aware that, unfortunately, we cannot legally pass nor credential you at this point due to minimum attendance requirements set by law, regardless of any score you receive on the final.

Best wishes,

Jon

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Tue, 15 Nov 2005
From: Anica
Subject Re: Lymphatic System
To: Jon Fischer

I did not fail, If you are talking about law, Why did you pass me in our last anatomy class. I missed two saturdays as well as in this anatomy. I guess you should be fired from your teaching career cause you broke the law by passing me in the last anatomy course. Like you said; we cannot legally pass nor credential you at this point due to minimum attendance requirements, What a joke. I missed two saturdays last course as well as this course. You illegally passed me then so then you should be Fired from your job.

Best Wishes

--------------------------------

Who knows what the titles of the previous three feather two pixel entries refer to?

East Bay Anti-Copyright Heros

Here are some more pictures from San Francisco:

[color]

























































































[black and white]

Born w/ 2 million, 5 million by the 4th month

Here are three pictures that I took tonight from the Marina. Does anyone read this?

Grizzly bear "expert"

Date:	Sun, 30 Oct 2005 17:34:37 -0800 (PST)
From:	"Jon Fischer"
Subject:	anatomy
To:	George

Hi George

I wanted to give you a heads up about
a particular student in section 12 that
has been really problematic in class.
At this point I can handle her but I'm
sending you an email because there's a
chance she may contact you so I'd like
you to be aware of the situation.

Basically, that situation is that Anica
xxxxx has been really disruptive in class.
I have had several complaints about her from
other students who are trying to take the
class seriously and she has often been
extraordinarily antagonistic towards me and
the course throughout.  She hasn't seemed
serious about the class until this
emester and doesn't really listen to my
suggestions as to how to
improve (for example by following the class outlines).

Like I said, I have been very professional with
her and it's nothing I can't handle, but she
left in the middle of class this saturday and
I got the distinct feeling that she would want
to have it out with someone at the college.

If the situation any kind of issue, please
feel free to contact me at any time.

Thanks!

Jon

-------------------------------------------------

Date:	Thu, 3 Nov 2005 15:17:31 -0800 (PST)
From:	"Jon Fischer"
Subject:	quiz outline
To:	anatomy class

hello guys

You did a great job through the lower extremity.
I continue to be amazed how you guys with your
jobs and/or kids and/or and other worries come
in and stick through several hours of anatomy EVERY
saturday morning!

Here is the quiz outline for the lower extremity.
Feel free to email me with any questions.

Jon

--------------------------------------

Date:	Thu, 3 Nov 2005 22:37:06 -0800 (PST)
From:	"anica xxxxx"
Subject:	Re: quiz outline
To:	"Jon Fischer"

I just wish I can understand the material. You as ateacher should want me to pass even if you need to spend more time with me explaning the material over. Just because you don't feel good, you shouldn't take it out on me. I am the one thats suffering because I feel that I am not learning anything from you.

--------------------------------------------

Date:	Fri, 4 Nov 2005 10:41:55 -0800 (PST)
From:	"anica xxxxx"
Subject:	Re: quiz outline
To:	"Jon Fischer"

Thanks for replying to my message!!! Can you imagine if I was asking a question regarding the upcoming quiz? Just amazes me.

----------------------------------------------

Date:	Fri, 4 Nov 2005 13:43:40 -0800 (PST)
From:	"Jon Fischer"
Subject:	Re: quiz outline
To:	"anica xxxxx"

It's been less than 24 hours since you sent your email.  This second
email is not appropriate.

With regards to your first email, you did not actually ask a
question. If you have questions about the material please make sure
to bring them to class or feel free to email them to me.  In addition,
I answer questions about the quiz material briefly before the class
takes it every saturday.

Jon

---------------------------------------

Date:	Fri, 4 Nov 2005 14:36:07 -0800 (PST)
From:	"anica xxxxx"
Subject:	Re: quiz outline
To:	"Jon Fischer"

I feel this message was approiate because I am not learning from your teaching methods which is effecting my grade. I tried to ask you before class time, How many times you told me to hold on. Before class time maybe isn't enough for me. Remember we are suppose to be there until 4pm anyways. You usually let us out at 2pm. Whats wrong with going info after class or 1 hour before class. You as a Teacher, not trying to help me understand. Instead of you taking this so personal you should try to understand where I am comming from. This is not a personal attack on you. Remember this anatomyt stuff is all new to me. Never once been intraduced to it. You should try to figure away, or teach a different way or spend one on one time so I can learn

------------------------------------

Date:	Fri, 4 Nov 2005 15:01:53 -0800 (PST)
From:	"Jon Fischer"
Subject:	Re: quiz outline
To:	"anica xxxxx"

Make a list of questions from your weekly studying and we will go over them on Saturday. Students are free (and always have been free) to stay after class to ask questions one-on-one. If that works for you, it will be necesarry for you to stay for the entire class and not leave early. In addition, feel free to directly email me questions about the material or ask questions during the pre-quiz review that begins at 9.

Thanks

Jon

--------------------------------------

Date:	Fri, 4 Nov 2005 15:31:55 -0800 (PST)
From:	"anica xxxxx"
Subject:	Re: quiz outline
To:	"Jon Fischer"

I dont have any cause I didnt even stay for your lecture. You are not getting it with me. I simply don;t understand your teaching method. You are the first and oly teache I have this issue with. Why can't you do the review in the moorning so I can understand for the next lecture. I am already lost and theres only been two classes

------------------------------------

Date:	Mon, 7 Nov 2005 14:53:31 -0800 (PST)
From:	"anica xxxxx"
Subject:	Re: quiz outline
To:	"Jon Fischer"

Hello John,

I missed class on saturday because I am frusterated of me not understanding the material. Please do not take this personal, I think you are very knowledgeable, but I just am not grasping the material. I came up with a senerio if possible, Most of the time you let class go around 2pm, maybe the next 2 hours you can explain the material to me? I am lost from lower extremity, and this past saturdays class. That will be two quizzes That im lost in. Hopefully you will be able to assist me by catching me to where I can understand the material.

----------------------------------

Date:	Tue, 8 Nov 2005 11:17:46 -0800 (PST)
From:	"anica xxxxx"
Subject:	Fwd: Re: quiz outline
To:	"Jonathan Anatomy"

Hello, I was just wondering if you got my message? I am just waiting on an answer!!!! I don't have direct questions to ask, How can I if I am lost in the subjects!!! Hopefully you will reply by today so I can no if thats ok!!!!!

------------------------------------

Date:	Tue, 8 Nov 2005 14:37:03 -0800 (PST)
From:	"Jon Fischer"
Subject:	Re: quiz outline
To:	"anica xxxxx"

Anica First of all: you realize there is only one class left before the final and you will be expected to take two quizes (lower extremity & reproductive system) right away, right?

Secondly, I'm not sure how your scenario--deliberately walking out on my class and the next week skipping it all together, then having me explain in private everything you missed--is really fair, but, as always, yes I will be available after class to answer questions and help out. I have attached the outline on the reproductive system that you missed. As always, the quiz is based on the outline.

Jon

--------------------------------------

Date:	Wed, 9 Nov 2005 08:00:20 -0800 (PST)
From:	"anica xxxxx"
Subject:	Re: quiz outline
To:	"Jon Fischer" , "George "

Jon, All I have to say is that you just amaze me. You never want to take any responsibility,but thats OK! I already spoke to George regarding this matter. You keep telling me you will answer questions!!! Again What questions? I don't have any because I DON"T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!! Thats where you come into play, It is your duty as a teacher to make sure I understand the material. When I walked out of your class you didn't care that you were rude to me or anything. I tried to ask for your help in many ways,but you seem not to try to help like always. You expect me to have tons of questions ready for you, but How can I if I don't understand the material? I guess my question to you is start from when I left class early and where I missed class basically you might have to start all over with me. I won't be ready to take two quizzes this coming saturday so I just don't know. I hope you really maybe can take some responsibility regarding this matter. I even said something to you in the last anatomy course Your response was well no I don't want you to drop this course I can help you have a better understanding!!!! You haven't held your part of the bargin.


-------------------------------------

Date:	Wed, 9 Nov 2005 14:19:43 -0800 (PST)
From:	"Jon Fischer"
Subject:	Re: quiz outline
To:	"anica xxxxx"

As I stated earlier, I am available to help students and answer
questions after every Saturday class.  This is precisely what you
requested.  I recommend having your filled out outlines available to
review, as that is where the most of the material concerning the
final and quizes is found.

As for quizes, I understand that there are busy schedules so I permit
students to make up quizes in the event of absences.  However,
Saturday is the final class so there is literally no other time for
you to take them.  Remember, you are permitted to drop 1 of the 3
quizes for this term.

Jon

------------------------------------------

Date:	Wed, 9 Nov 2005 16:00:36 -0800 (PST)
From:	"anica xxxxx"
Subject:	Re: quiz outline
To:	"Jon Fischer" , "George"

Hello George and Jon;

The reason I am bringing you(George) involved because maybe you can compromise or give permission for me to take the quizzes on a makeuptime beside this saturday. I am not prepared because of the situation that I discussed with both you and Jon. Per Jon statement that I need to take both quizzes because this is the last saturday class before Finals. I am so unprepared and How can my outlines be filled out if I don't understand that is where Jon should come in Don't you think George? Jon you should be able to go over these outlines weather its filled out or not!!!! Especially for the last two Saturdays. Yes, I walked out early 12pm you let the class go at 1:30pm in the afternoon. I wasn't even understanding the material why stay? Jon please don't take this as a personal attack but you do not give a positive vibe you want to help!!!! George can you give Jon and I permission for me to take the quizzes after I met with Jon for a review Oh and Jon my outlines won't be filled out. That is why I am asking for your Help? One on One..... Maybe I can take them through Blackboard or something.!! All I am trying to do is understand the material.


-----------------------------------

Subject:	RE: anatomy
Date:	Mon, 31 Oct 2005 12:35:43 -0500
From:	"George - Sonoma College"
To:	"Jon Fischer"

Jon,

Thanks for the heads-up. She gave Meredith a rough time during the final
for the last anatomy class. I don't know what her problem is, but it is
getting old. Be sure to mark her absence for Saturday if she walked out.

Keep me informed of the situation. If at any time she becomes to
disruptive in class, tell her to leave.

Thanks,

George

Environmentalists Opposed the Birthday

And Samson said to them, "If this is what you do, I swear I will be avenged upon you, and after that I will quit." -Judges 15:7

Today's SSAT lesson was great. Before class, I stopped at Kinkos and created three, legal-sized worksheets brimming with word problems. Since this spoiled lot of Jewish brats refuses to listen to anything I say, I let them work on the problems in pairs while I milled around the room, helping them one-on-one. Halfway through the first worksheet, I had a brilliant idea. I told each one of them that, for five minutes, they would be the teacher and had to explain one problem to the class. Oh man, did I have a big old smile on my face while each one of them was at the board! There was pleading with the others to be quiet for just ten seconds, there was constant explaining to Naomi what problem we were on, there was yelling at Ben for steady streams of fart noises, and, more than anything, there was frustration. But not mine.

And I can't believe that shit worked.

The funny thing is that it was actually the best lesson yet. I was able to help them in their small groups and, eventually, they started behaving as they exchanged places at the board. Don't get me wrong, they were still completely out of control, but as a group they somehow managed to right themselves after each outburst. They started to get smart to the reality that they would all get their turn. And it was all completely unpredicted by me--I just wanted to watch them squirm.

The point of this story is that I rule and nothing can stop me.

Ms. Miley's algebra tool box.

The nice thing about this SAT teaching job is that once in a while I get paid twenty-eight bucks an hour to sit on my ass and do what I want. In this case, to blog. So yeah, I am currently in room B56 of Brandeis Hillel Jewish school, connected to the BHS wireless network while my "class" takes their diagnostic test. It's actually an SSAT class, the SSAT being the admissions test that middle schoolers take to get into private high school. Philosophically, this is not the kind of thing that I can get behind in any way. Plus, these kids are a nightmare. Even as I write this, they are doing everything within their power to fuck with me. Right now the game is to make as much noise as you can get away with. And yes, it's such a fun little game: Max Gavrish releases a hilariously audible cough and a few moments later Ben Porter follows his lead. Within a minute, everyone has had a go and let me tell you: it is all so fucking funny. The dilemma of teaching kids at this level is that there is absolutely no way to express to them how thoroughly unfunny and uncool they are. Yet they are kind of sweetly naive; after class they will amiably ask me if I voted, completely unaware that while they speak I will be fantasizing about altering the structure of their budding little bodies with large heavy objects.

Speaking of the SAT, there was one on Saturday and so last week was very hectic. I was tutoring till ten almost every night. I tutored the football player who lives on top of the hill, the nerdy girl who lives in the comically undecorated mansion, the short girl with the weird-looking dogs, the gawky guy who lives in a Tenderloin motel, and the well mannered shell of a kid that I helped get admitted to Princeton--he's home on break and back for more.

And this weekend I hung out...with people! Saturday afternoon, I was reintroduced to my bicycle, which has been sitting in the studio since the art show two weeks ago. I finally feel healthy enough to ride so Jill and I met up at the Golden Gate Park panhandle and we took our usual trek to the ocean and back. Other than the fact that the pomegranate juice costs $4.99, Golden Gate Park on the weekend closely resembles my conception of the Garden of Eden. The grass is impossibly green and the sunlight always finds a way to bleed through the leaves of the misty trees. That night I returned to the Ocean for a bonfire at the beach. Ocean Beach bonfires are something that I have heard a lot about but that I have never seen. Ours was modest but successful. A few Exploratorium people were there and about seven of us sat around the flames drinking beer and vodka until our wood supply dwindled to nothing. Down at the water, all the evening fires flickered in the distance while the waves quietly washed over the sand. It was really quite beautiful. It made me want to come to the beach at night more often.

I returned to the Park on Sunday morning for softball practice, which was practice only in the same way that an infant stumbling around on the floor is practicing to walk. It was wet and muddy and we mainly just threw balls around and did a little hitting. I surprised myself by not being able to throw a softball that far at all. My hitting is pretty shitty too. Don't ask me what exactly we are practicing for, but maybe one day in the future there will be talk about an Exploratorium team. And machines will take over the United States. Afterwards, Nowell floundered his way to the park entrance and we did a little Amoeba run, which got predictably out of hand. Well, more so for Nowell than for me. But getting out of hand is what's great about Amoeba.

A few days ago I got my STD test results back:
Chlamydia Trachomatis........negative
N. Gonorrhoeae......................negative
Hep A Total Aby....................negative
Heb B Sur Ab..........................positive
Anti-Hep C Ab.......................negative
Syphilis RPR...........................non reactive

Don't be alarmed, "Hep B SUr Ab" is an assay that tests Hep B vaccination. And I've got it. As for HIV, I never called the nurse back. I guess I should do that some time soon.